Born that way – message to a gay Christian (not fiction)
Born that way – Response to a gay Christian (not fiction)
“When did you choose to be straight?”
That is the first question that anyone should ask a heterosexual person who claims that being gay is somehow a choice.
I was just having a conversation with a young guy who said “You may disagree and that’s ok; I do not believe a person is born gay…”
This statement was made from out of nowhere, however, he had earlier told me that he had been sexually abused at the age 12. He is also gay and runs a site full of photos in which he and his gay friends are engaged in homosexual activity.
I asked him why he thought that and he said, “Well I have a very strong church upbringing and I cannot and will not believe that a God who hates the sin (not the person) would create you that way…”
To which I responded, “You don’t believe that God would allow you to be born gay, but you believe he’d allow a 12 year old to be kidnapped and used for sex? And you believe he’d create a brain that could so easily be turned to homosexuality? It sounds to me like you’re nervous about considering other possibilities. And for the record, the Bible does NOT preach against homosexuality.”
He responded “Yes it does. Goodbye.” And then immediately blocked me. After chatting in a very friendly way for 90 minutes.
If you’re reading this T, simply denying things does not change them. It’s clear to me that you are TERRIFIED of the implications. TERRIFIED that your faith might be shaken. TERRIFIED that you might simply be gay by birth. You have a bisexual brother and you yourself are gay. It sounds to me as though you want to blame your sexuality on your earlier abuse. Or your upbringing. Your blog is full of you doing kinky stuff. You are clearly enjoying being gay yet you also feel guilt for it. This is not healthy, especially as you have a young son. What kind of unconscious values are you going to pass on to him?
The arguments about why a person is gay have still not been definitively settled, but as I understand it, the general feeling is that there is a bit of nature AND nurture. Nature would mean you were born gay, and nurture would mean something in your upbringing caused it – an absent father, a dominant mother, early sexual experiences, or something of that type.
So far as I am aware, a gay gene has not yet been identified, but given that homosexuality occurs in nature at a similar rate that it occurs in humans, it seems extremely unlikely that nurture alone is enough to account for it. With many species, including lions, males are completely absent from the lives of their offspring from birth. Are you seriously arguing that God made all these animals that would defy his wishes? That also means that in 90% of cases, a dominant or sole mother does NOT result is homosexuality. Moreover, homosexuality among siblings is higher than among the general population, even when they were not initially aware of each other’s sexuality.
It is undoubtedly true that ANY sexual attraction can be amplified by nurture. If you were the child of a loving father or older male siblings who engaged in sex play with you, this would not only habituate you to homosexual activity, but would likely decrease your inhibitions against it. In my opinion, inhibitions against any kind of consensual sexual activity are not beneficial, although I am strongly against adult-child relations for a whole variety of reasons too long to go into here. Basically, the wellbeing of the child is paramount.
So T, is it possible that your sexual experience at the hands of a kidnapper made you gay? Possible, but exceedingly unlikely. If it had been a family member, or you were in a safe friendly environment, I could understand that argument, but the fact that you could be forced to be aroused against your will is NOT what made you gay. The fact that you boasted about how often you ejaculated in a single day in his company makes it plain that you were already gay. 1 in 10 kids, statistically is already gay. You just happened to be one of them.
Please consider the implications of what you just said and did.
“[I] will not believe that a God who hates the sin (not the person) would create you that way…”
You are such a strong Christian that even a very gentle challenge to this position causes you to run away and block someone who has been nothing but kind and concerned for your wellbeing, AND you believe homosexuality is a sin, yet you run a blog with photos of you and other guys engaged in homosexual activity.
By your own logic, you are wilfully engaging in sin. According to your own beliefs, your own actions are condemning you to eternal damnation.
The fact is, gay conversion therapy – the practice of using aversion therapy and other psychological forms of behaviour modification, is banned in pretty much all civilised countries in the world because it’s so harmful. You cannot change your sexuality – all you can do is supress it and live a sexually unfilled life.
Why do you think a disproportionate number of priests go on to be child abusers? It’s because denying your sexuality can create unhealthy releases in other ways.
So T, I realise that you are struggling with depression, and some bad stuff has happened in your life. But don’t let your sexuality be one of them. You didn’t choose to be gay, nor did someone else choose it for you. When I was a kid, I carried guilt for the fact I got aroused by a man who masturbated me. It took years to overcome before I realised that you can be gay without that meaning you give consent to be sexually assaulted.
For your own mental wellbeing, happiness, and for the sake of your son, I urge you to think about your position again rather than simply avoiding it because it disagrees with your Biblical doctrine.
Hi, Well i had the same conversation with many guys over the years. They can’t get it because, as my mom mite say closed minded. As judge Judy has said “can’t fix stumped”
I had one guy i worked with for over ten years say to me, After i confirmed I am (“gay”). HE said ” Just think you made the wrong cause” What do you mean? “i am OK with it, just don’t try to make me gay?” WHAT? I said. “You know” Well i Just don’t remember that day in school we got the sign up sheet to be GAY., It is not a cause…
Hey,
One of the best posts I’ve ever read.
May I add one more important argument? Being gay helps the continuation of the human species.
It might seem counter-intuitive at first. However, there is strong empirical evidence in both human culture and in the natural world. My suggestion is to leave the word evolution out of the argument as it will instantly turn off any person making a religious-based argument.
Childless aunts and uncles are often vital to the raising of children. In many families, childless aunts and uncles provide vital child care as parents might need two incomes.
Additionally, in my family, I’ve seen my nieces and nephews receive college gifts in the thousands of dollars from aunts and uncles with no children and their aunts and uncles with children gave gifts of $50 or $100 dollars.
Since childless aunts and uncles are the siblings of their nieces and nephews’ parents, they are often either the Godparents of their nieces and nephews or they are named in their brother or sister’s will to care for the children if something were to happen to the parents.
In my family, all of my nieces and nephews were to be cared for by childless aunts and uncles should something happen to their parents. Thankfully, they all made it to adulthood with their parents alive.
Given that gay couples are more likely to be childless, they serve a vital role in humankind’s ability to survive. Irrespective of a person’s belief in evolution or creation, the role that childless gay couples have in helping to raise children is undeniable.
Even in nature, many species show examples where sisters help raise offspring. Baby elephants are frequently tended to by the whole herd. However, when the herd is watched for long periods of time, it is obvious that the aunts are minding their nieces and nephews most frequently after the mother.
Many birds stay in family units with aunts helping to raise their sister’s offspring if they did not have a successful brood.
I only offer this as an addition to your post as your viewpoint is spot on.
In addition to asking someone who says being gay is a choice, ask them the following. When did you choose to be left or right-handed, when did you choose to prefer blonde or brunette women, when did you choose to hate fish or fowl (it’s a common dislike). People are what they are and there is no way to know why.
Being gay is not a choice. Being gay and then choosing to lie to a woman, marry her, have kids, and then divorce here because you are miserable would be a choice – a very bad one in many ways.
Thank you. This is an excellent piece of additional text for consideration. Thank you for adding to the conversation.