Moments

Glimpses at the moments that define a man’s sexual coming of age.

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Moments

Whiteout.

Sam was 13 again. Sitting in the darkness behind his home, the long summer grass beneath him, the sound of cicadas and the heady aroma of flowers filling the air. He pulled on the hardness that had started springing with increasing frequency between his legs. He enjoyed the warm feeling it gave him, but this time it was different. Suddenly there was a rushing sensation and he nearly fell over from the intensity of it, then there was wetness on his fist.

Whiteout.

Now he was 14. In the barn with Joshua, who was three years older. They were forking hay when Joshua stopped work. He checked at the doors to make sure that no-one was near then he came over to Sam and slid the shoulder straps of his dungarees off, letting them fall to the floor. The young man reached into his sweat stained underwear and pulled out a huge black penis. He pulled the skin back from the head, revealing a surprisingly pink head. Sam’s heart started beating hard. Joshua pulled on his penis, watching Sam’s face closely. Sam watched, transfixed for a minute. Then he took out his own penis and started to masturbate along with Joshua.

Whiteout.

17. He was in Daniel’s room in the big house. Daniel stood before him in his underwear. He unbuttoned the front and withdrew his penis.

“Suck it,” Daniel commanded.

Sam looked at the pallid, ugly looking meat, then back at Daniel’s face.

“Please,” Sam said, begging to be excused.

“Suck it!” Daniel says more forcefully.

Sam didn’t dare to refuse. He dropped to his knees.

Whiteout.

23. Martin was visiting from a neighbouring farm to help get the cotton harvested. It was lunch time, and whilst many of the others were swimming in the creek, Sam and Martin wandered off somewhere that they could be alone. Sam laid on his face and for the first time he felt a prick in his hole. Martin took it slowly, and Sam felt that a missing piece of the puzzle had been completed. Sam knew then, that this was the only way he ever wanted to know a man.

Whiteout.

27. Sam lay face down again, but this time it wasn’t for pleasure. Three strangers had jumped him on his way home. They took it in turns to use his hole. There was none of the care that Martin had shown. They brutally reamed him, not caring whether he enjoyed it or not. Not even caring whether they damaged him. Sam learned that night that a penis could be a weapon as well as a source of pleasure.

Whiteout.

33. Laying in Martin’s arms. Safe, warm, loved. Their time together coming in all too short trysts. Then apart again.

Whiteout.

37. Martin was dead. Beaten to death over nothing, and there was not a thing that Sam could do about it. He was alone and empty more profoundly than he could have thought possible.

Whiteout.

Still 37. The son of the man who had killed Martin lay beneath Sam. Turning the boy was the only revenge that he could think of. The boy raised his rump willingly and Sam filled him, thinking of Martin all the while, tears running down his face. He looked down at the boy’s rump. Sam’s black penis was dark against the boy’s white rump. It came out bloody, time and time and time again.

Whiteout.

Three days later. The present. Sam was naked. He could feel his penis, harder than it had ever been. There was a sickly pain in his neck, but he no longer cared. Soon nothing would matter and all his pain would be gone. He could hear the men all around him jeering but he was unable to look down to see them. His arms were tied behind his back and his body was jerking involuntarily. His stiff penis was swaying and bouncing like the boom of a yacht in a rough sea. Then he came hard, one last time, seeding the ground for two yards in front of him. The men yelled in disgust. Then Sam could no longer feel the rope around his neck. His vision was a million miles away. He was back with Martin the first time in the meadow. They would stay there together forever this time. He smiled.

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