Embarrassment, semen donation
Two teens give far more sperm than they ever wanted to.
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John knocked on his sons’ bedroom door.
“Come in,” one of them called.
He opened the door and entered looking sombre.
“Hey dad, what’s up?”
“Boys, I’m afraid I have some bad news. I think we’re going to lose the house.”
He was holding a bank foreclosure notice.
“What?!” Theo asked alarmed. “Why?”
“I’m afraid I’ve gotten wayyy behind on the mortgage payments. I’ve tried selling things and getting a bank loan. I even tried a loan shark but nobody will help us out.”
“Can’t you get a loan off your boss or one of your friends?” Ash asked.
John looked are the twins.
“I’m sorry boys, I’ve tried everything. I even tried selling my sperm.”
“Your sperm?” Theo asked.
Under normal circumstances, he’d have made a joke about it, but he was in no mood for jokes.
“Yes, but I just can’t produce enough of it. They let you ummm, collect it at home, but even when I was your age, I couldn’t make enough to make up the amount I need.
Ash looked at his brother then back at their father.
“How long do we have?”
“Just over two weeks, then if I don’t have the back payments by then, we’re out on the streets.”
“Where will we live?”
“I don’t know guys, I ‘m sorry. We’ll be officially homeless. I guess we’ll have to sleep in the car, at least until I can find a cheap apartment for us.”
“But what about school? We can’t go to school sleeping in the car. How will we shower and clean our clothes?”
“I guess we’ll have to go to the laundromat, and you can shower at school.”
He shook his head sadly as he turned to the door.
“I’m sorry boys, I just thought you ought to know.”
He left the room.
15 minutes later the twins approached him in the kitchen.
Theo said, “Hey dad, surely there must be something we can do to help? Can we get jobs?”
“Thanks for offering guys but it’s too late, even if you could somehow get jobs that let you work at your age and paid crazy money, there’s only two weeks. You couldn’t earn enough in time.”
“What if we sold all our stuff?”
John smiled wanly.
“It wouldn’t even come close.”
“How much do you owe?” Ash asked.
“Just under fifty thousand dollars.”
“50k! Dad, how did it mount up so high?”
“Well, you know when I got hurt at work? My medical insurance didn’t cover it. I borrowed against the mortgage to pay for it.”
The boys thought in silence for a few minutes.
“What if… what if we sold ourselves? You know, doing hand jobs and stuff,” Ash said quietly.
“Don’t you dare ever suggest that!” John said outraged. “I’d sooner die than see you have to do that sort of thing to save us. And you’d have to do a lot more than hand jobs. And even then, if you were wildly successful and made a thousand a night, we’d still be over 20k short.”
“So, we’re screwed then?” Ash asked.
“I’m afraid so.”
Theo had an idea.
“How do they pay for sperm?”
“Excuse me?” John said.
“How much did they pay you for sperm?”
“Not sperm, semen. They pay two hundred dollars for 10 mils.”
“How much is that?”
“Between two and four ejaculation’s worth. Say fifty bucks a cum.”
“So how many times would we all need to, you know, cum, to get enough money?”
John frowned at his teenaged son.
“Are you serious?”
Theo looked at his brother, something passed between them. An unspoken conversation. Ash shrugged; if there was one thing they were great at, it was jacking off.
“Yes. How many?”
John grabbed a piece of paper and did some calculations.
“Assuming the worst-case scenario, where you only make 2.5ml per ejaculation, you’d both have to ejaculate at least 25 times a day, and that’s assuming I could manage 5 times a day, which is extremely doubtful.”
“25 times a day? Fuck, that’s a hella massive amount. Allowing for the amount of time it takes to cool down in between, we’d be jacking off almost constantly to manage that much.”
“Yeah. Like I said, it’s impossible,” John said.
Theo and Ash exchanged a look.
“Can’t we at least try?”
John knew his boys were passionate masturbators.
“Are you sure?”
They exchanged a look again and this time it was Ash who nodded.
“How does it work?”
“Well,” their father explained, “you spank it into a petri dish. From there, I’ll transfer it into an airtight jar that we’ll store in the fridge. Each of you will have his own jar. The goal would be to collect about 2500ml within two weeks.
“2500ml? That sounds like a lot,” Theo said.
“Two and a half litres,” Ash clarified.
“That’s over four pints,” John added.
“In two weeks? Can it even be done?”
“The maths says it can. If you boys can manage 25 times a day and produce at least 2.5ml every time.”
“It’s gonna take a lot of porn,” Ash said.
“That’s something you boys never seemed to have trouble finding huh?”
“I guess not,” Theo answered with a lop-sided grin.
“Let’s give it a try. See how much you make with a single go. It’ll give us an idea if it’s feasible. How long ago since you last masturbated?” John said, addressing Theo.
“About two hours ago.”
His father gave him a pretend disapproving look and cocked his head.
“What?!” Theo said defensively. “It’s the first week of the break. I like to do it a couple of times a day if I have time.”
“What about you?” John asked, addressing his other son.
John frowned and looked from Ash to Theo then back.
“Someone’s got to keep him company. Make sure he doesn’t hog the computer.”
“Well, I guess this will be a good test then. Remember you’re going for volume not speed.”
He disappeared into his bedroom and a moment later returned with two petri dishes.
“What, right now?” Theo asked.
“No time like the present.”
The boys accepted the small plastic dishes and headed off to their room.
Five minutes later they both returned carrying a dish.
“Back already? Come into the kitchen boys.”
John looked down into the dishes. There was a puddle of semen in Ash’s and a splash of semen in Theo’s.
“Let’s measure these just to see how much we’re working with.”
He produced two plastic syringes.
“First Theo. Pour it into the corner.”
Theo poured his sample against the edge of the petri dish and his father drew it into the syringe. He lifted the syringe and looked at the frothy liquid within.
“Threeeee point five,” he said, straining to read the small writing without his glasses. Good job. Maintain that amount and we should be fine.”
He squirted the semen into a pint bottle labelled “Theo” and screwed on the lid.
He turned to Ash.
Ash poured his donation into the corner of the dish and his father drew it into a second syringe and examined it.
“Just under four and a half.”
“Yesss!” Ash said pumping his fist.
Theo felt oddly competitive.
“It’s only ‘cos I already did it TWICE this morning, and he just did it once” he protested.
John grinned at him.
“Do you two ALWAYS jack off together?” he asked.
The two teens blushed and exchanged glances.
“Not ALWAYS,” Ash answered.
“Well for once, you can spank it as often as you like; the more often the better in fact. At least 25 times a day for the next 14 days. That’s an average of once every 45 minutes during your waking hours. You could try some back to back, but I guess semen volume will drop for the second time if you do that. Kind of defeats the object.”
“Every 45 minutes? How many hours a day is that dad?” Ash asked.
“16. Give or take.”
“16 hours a day?!” he said, in wonderment. “That’s like a full-time job. We’re not gonna have much time for anything else.”
“Two full-time jobs actually. And no, you’re not going to be able to go out with your friends. I think you’ll need to spend a good deal off your time watching porn just to keep your enthusiasm up.”
“Wow, I didn’t realise what we were getting into.”
Ash mulled the situation over in his head.
“Still, if it’s the only way of saving the house, we’re just gonna have to suck it down.”
“It’s gonna be quite an epic task. I don’t know whether to feel guilty or jealous. When I was your age, I’d have jacked myself into a coma if I’d had the time.”
Both teenagers laughed.
“Will you be… joining us dad?” Theo asked.
“Well of course I will. But I don’t have your virility. My prime was 20 years ago. If I can manage 5 times in a day it’ll be a miracle.”
“Just do the best you can dad,” Theo said, putting a hand on John’s shoulder and squeezing.
He smiled back, amused by his son’s attempt to ease the pressure. He squirted Theo’s sample into a glass bottle labelled with his name.
“And uh, one other thing boys, we’re already halfway through today. You’re gonna have to jack it approximately every 30 minutes today, unless you want to stay up late.”
11 hours later, John closed the lid on Ash’s bottle.
“That’s 23. Just two more to go. Great job son.”
“I don’t think I can do any more today dad. I’ve jacked my dick raw.”
“Well. Not raw, but it’s pink and sore. I really don’t want to wank it any more today.”
“Hmmm, you started strong, but by the end, you were down to just 2ml. Are you sure you can’t manage just one more at least?”
Ash looked at him with heavy lidded eyes and sighed deeply.
“I’ll try. Just one more. But I can’t manage two dad. I’m shattered.”
“That’s okay son, just do the best you can. I’ll drive into Houston first thing and get an industrial-size pot of lube.”
By the end of the first week, the strain was showing. The boys spent most of the time in their bedroom, and on the occasions when they came out for meals or to watch TV, they looked exhausted.
John examined their bottles in the refrigerator; both were almost full. Almost a pint of semen each. His own bottle was not even an eighth full. He shook it.
The boys stood with him dressed only in their boxers – they had not worn much else after the first day.
“I’m sorry boys, but the old man is not pulling his weight. Your body just doesn’t make as much once you reach your 40s.”
Theo smiled sympathetically at his dad.
“That’s okay dad, so long as you’re doing the best you can.”
The kid looked like he was having trouble staying on his feet, and he had clearly lost weight. They were both active teenagers, but not this active. They were masturbating for over four hours a day and it was getting longer.
John almost considered calling the whole thing off. But then that would ruin everything.
“Dad, I don’t know how long I can keep this up,” Ash said. “It’s getting harder and harder to get a boner.”
“I knew this would be a problem. That’s why I went to the market earlier. I bought a whole bunch of foods that will boost your semen production; eggs, lettuce, fish, bananas, and a more. It’s also really important that you drink a lot of water. You’ll both be getting dehydrated with all that hot exercise.”
“Thanks dad,” Ash said. “It’ll all be worth it in the end, right?”
“You’re gonna save the house boys. What could be more worth it than that?”
“Yeah,” Ash sighed, “but boy my nuts are worn out.”
“Are you seeing any change in them?” John asked.
“Yeah, they seem smaller and my sack seems looser; thinner somehow.”
“Yeah mine too,” Theo confirmed. “I thought I was imagining it. My nuts are… I dunno, pathetic looking now. Just kind of droopy.”
“Show me boys,” John said.
Ash and Theo looked at each other then both reluctantly dropped their boxers to show their father.
Both penises were flaccid to the point of complete lifelessness, shrivelled, but rather than contracting as they might in the cold, they hung low and soft, utterly bloodless. Beneath, as the boys had both described, their testicles looked utterly exhausted. Two small nuggets dangling even lower in withered bags that looked paper thin.
“Hmmm, you’re right. It looks like you have the balls of two 90-year-old men, and your dicks are not looking much better. I think you should start icing your balls.”
“What?! How does that work?”
“It’s easy, you just wrap an ice pack around them for five minutes, each time after you finish. Not long enough to freeze them solid, but enough to aid recovery and tighten them. Just be sure to stop if your nuts look like they’re about to go all the way inside your body!”
He grinned but they just looked at him without humour.
“I’ll buy some ice packs and put them in the freezer. Be sure to return them when you finish each time.”
“Will that help?” Ash asked sceptically.
“Yeah definitely. It’s an old trick.”
Later that day, Paul met with the boys again.
“Hey guys, I have a couple of things that are going to help.”
He produced two rubber Aneros prostate massagers. They looked like models of a woman’s fallopian tubes.
“What are they?” Theo asked.
“They’re prostate massagers. They’ll help you cum.”
“How do they work?”
“You shove them into your backside, they rub against your prostate – that’s a small gland a few inches inside. One of the handles presses against your taint, you know, the ridge between your balls and your asshole, then you just kind of wiggle it around or pump it in and out. My doctor friend said it’ll make you cum really strongly.”
“You told someone about this?” Ash asked.
“Only a doctor I know. I was concerned about you.”
It was hard to complain about his father’s concern but he still felt unhappy about anyone else knowing.
“One more thing,” John said. “I got these.”
He held up two preloaded auto-syringes.
“What are they?” Ash asked.
“A very strong sexual stimulant. Kind of like Viagra but much stronger. You won’t have trouble getting a boner with these. Turn around and I’ll inject them.”
Ash let out a huge sigh.
“This whole thing has gotten out of control.”
“I know son, but we’re in too far now to turn back. If we don’t succeed, all your efforts so far will be for nothing.”
Sunk cost fallacy. John hoped the boys were not sophisticated enough thinkers to spot it.
Ash let out another exaggerated sigh to express his displeasure, then he turned, and dropped his boxers.
“Touch your toes,” John said.
“Makes the muscle harder, easier to hit.”
Ash did as he was told and his father administered the injection. Theo followed.
At 13 days, John looked at the bottles in the refrigerator. The twins were over three quarters of the way up their second bottle. He pretended to do some calculations, but he’d already poured precisely enough of each boy’s bottle down the sink while they were sleeping to ensure the outcome he needed.
“We’re still well short. You’re going to have to do 50 tomorrow. We can still make it up in time.”
“50?!!! I can never do 50!” Ash protested.
“I can give you a double dose of that stimulant. If you lock yourselves away and spend the whole day tomorrow jacking off, I’m sure you can manage. Last day; the big push. I know you have it in you guys!”
Theo just looked back at his father, too exhausted to even protest.
At the end of the 14th day, John held up their bottles triumphantly. He had secretly topped them up to ensure that Theo would hit his goal after 50 ejaculations.
“You’ve done it. We’re saved. You’ve both jacked off nearly 400 times in the past 2 weeks. An amazing feat, even for two dedicated hose monkeys like you two!”
They both smiled. They looked emaciated, with deep set dark eyes, and ribs clearly protruding all along their sides. They looked as if they had just escaped a concentration camp.
“Thank fuck!” Ash said. “I just wanna have a long bath and get the stink of sweat off me.”
They had been neglecting their hygiene over the past fortnight.
“Yeah,” Theo agreed. “I don’t think I’m gonna wanna even touch my dick for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t think that’ll last long, if your past behaviour is anything to go by.”
“Oh, come on, you don’t think you two were hiding it? Your bedroom smells like a zoo half the time.”
“You’re teenagers. It’s what you do. Now go bath, get a good night’s sleep and we’ll take these to the sperm bank tomorrow.”
The following day at 10.15am, John entered his sons’ bedroom. They were both still in bed.
“Okay boys, time to get up.”
They roused reluctantly. Ash pulled his bed covers tighter around his shoulders.
“Guys, you’ve done an amazing job, now all we have to do is take your bottles to the sperm bank and collect our money.”
“We don’t have to come do we dad?” Theo asked. “All I want to do is sleep all day.”
“Yeah, I know, but they’re going to want to take a blood test from each of you just to confirm that you don’t have any diseases or genetic problems.”
Ash looked across the room to his brother and their eyes met wearily.
“Okay, dad, let’s get this done so I can get back to bed.”
An hour later they stood outside the sperm bank in the city. It was in a quiet side street.
“Here, take these,” John said taking the bottles of semen from the chiller box he’d brought them in.”
The boys each accepted the two bottles labelled with his own name.
“Here before we go in, let’s get a photo. This has been an epic achievement.”
“Daaaad,” both boys protested.
“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. You’ll look back on this one day with pride. You might even want to tell your kids what you did to keep your home.”
The boys looked at each other, with exasperated expressions, but they knew they only had to get the final bit out of the way and they were done. They turned and stood in front of the sperm bank.
“That’s it, hold the bottles up so we can see them.”
The boys complied reluctantly. John knew it would be an ask too far to get them to smile. They both looked at his phone as he raised it to his eye with “let’s get this done” expressions. He took half a dozen photos, each clearly showing the boys and displaying the Sperm Bank sign behind them.
“Good that’s it let’s go in.”
He picked up his own bottle.
“Okay, one last thing. You have to do this. I’m not allowed to coerce you. You’ll have to make it clear that this is your choice okay?”
“What does THAT mean?” Theo asked.
“Well if there’s any danger that I forced you to do it, they won’t accept your donations. Just put your bottles on the counter and tell the receptionist that you’ve come to sell your sperm. If she asks if you are doing it by choice, you have to make it clear that you are. Got it?”
“Yeah dad, got it.”
The trio walked into the building. A young female receptionist sat behind a long counter.
“Hello gentlemen, can I help you?”
Ash put his bottles on the counter and Theo followed suit.
“We’ve come to sell our sperm.”
The receptionist blinked twice.
“We’ve come to sell our sperm.”
She looked at the bottles.
“Is that your… are they bottles of semen?” she asked.
The receptionist picked up a phone.
“Doctor Williams could you please get out here right away. And could you please bring Mr Smith.”
A few seconds later Doctor Williams arrived, escorted by the security guard her Mr Smith code had alerted.
“Yes Janine, what can I do for you?”
She looked at him.
“These two young men have come to sell their sperm. They brought it with them.”
She looked towards the four bottles on the counter. He followed her eyes.
“Are they filled with semen?” Doctor Williams asked.
“Yup,” Ash confirmed.
“What, how many… How long have you been saving it?”
“Two weeks,” Ash said.
The Doctor grinned widely.
“Ahh it’s a joke. Very funny boys.”
“I’m not joking. Why would I do that?”
He looked at his father who was standing solemnly behind. His father gave him a look that told him to continue.
“You’ve ummm… produced that much in two weeks? You’d have to ejaculated hundreds of times.”
“Nearly 400 each,” Ash informed him, a note of pride in his voice.
“You have both ejaculated almost 400 times in two weeks? How many times a day is that?”
“25,” Theo said flatly. “We were desperate for the money. We’re going to lose our house.”
Doctor Williams looked at John with a frown and a tilt of his head. John nodded solemnly. Williams returned his attention to the boys.
“Look I don’t know what to say guys, but it doesn’t work like that. You can’t just collect it and bring it in pints at a time, for starters the sperm density would fall too low masturbating that often. The way it works is you come to this office, you go to a back room, we give you something stimulating to look at, you masturbate into a dish and we pay you. One orgasm at a time only.”
Theo and Ash were stunned. Both their jaws started to gape.
“You can’t use this?” Ash said, starting to glow with embarrassment under the looks from the receptionist, Doctor Williams and the security guard.
Behind him, their father thought back to the escalating series of pranks he and the boys had played on each other the previous year. It culminated with an advert in the Bears section of a local gay magazine. A photo of him had brought more than thirty hairy men to his door over a single month, all looking for a smooth sub to dominate. And then on the last Saturday of the month, 20 more all turned up at once for a promised orgy. They were not happy to discover that it was a prank perpetrated by his sons.
“No, we most certainly cannot. It’s the most impressive feat I’ve ever seen, but it just doesn’t work like that. And I’m not sure that you’re even old enough to be donors. You have to be at least 18.”
Theo and Ash looked at each other, then at their father. He was sniggering.
“Daaaad,” Ash asked with growing suspicion. “What’s going on?”
“Check out the date,” his father said.
Theo looked at his phone.
“You’re fucking kidding!” Theo said.
The boys glowed purple with embarrassment.
John burst out laughing and took another photo. 3 months of planning. Fake foreclosure letters created. Hundreds of dollars spent buying equipment and stimulants. All for this one moment. Their expressions: priceless.