Christmas Tree


Li’l Kim has fun with the Christmas tree decorations

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Christmas Tree

The 100-foot Christmas tree filled the town square. Hundreds of people thronged around it in the cool night air, cheering the person on the balcony. Supreme Chairman Kim loved to come home for the holidays. It was the one time of year when he reconnected with his childhood town.

He stood on the balcony surrounded by guards and smiling sycophants. He was just 50 feet from the tree. Kim was glad that he had adopted the western tradition of Christmas. It made him seem magnanimous; even playful in the eyes of his impoverished citizens.

And it gave him a chance to play his favourite game.

The huge tree was draped with lights and festooned with decorations. Spotlights ensured that it was brightly lit.

In addition to its traditional decorations, there were dozens of black plastic cocoons all over the tree hanging from hidden scaffold frames.

Kim leaned on the balcony parapet to steady himself, then he took aim down the scope of the rifle he was holding. Through the scope he found one of the cocoons. It was moving. He raised the sight to the top of the cocoon. There was a face with grey hair: the South Korean information minister. Kim tracked down the man’s black plastic-wrapped body. A little below mid-way, there was exposed skin. The man’s genitals dangling through the plastic. He was old. He didn’t have much to lose. Kim pulled the trigger. There was a pop and a paintball fired. At the last moment the man wriggled and the paintball splattered white against his thigh. The man yelped with pain and the crowd let out a collective “ooh” of disappointment for the Chairman.

Kim took it in good humour. He found another target. This one was much younger; just 19 years old. He was a soccer player. A member of the country’s youth team that had just lost to the Phillippines. His nuts hung quite low, and they were plump, like the clappers of festive church bells. Kim aimed carefully and pulled the trigger. The paintball flew towards its target at 500 feet per second – 200FPS faster than any sport players would tolerate. It hit the young man square in the middle of his right testicle and the testicle exploded against his leg, bursting inside his scrotum. The man screamed, his voice joining the cacophony of others who had already been maimed.

The crowd cheered as they saw the man’s testicle turn to mush inside his bag, their shouts of jubilation drowning out those who had been emasculated. Then they returned their gaze to the Chairman to see who he would choose next…

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